2012 was a really crazy year for me. I met my eventual husband, I went on my last deployment, I made Chief, I got a ton of new tattoos, I had another miscarriage, I had so much drama with my ex fiancée, and I found my love for modeling, pin-up, and promoting beauty in a very natural, true, and confident form.
For the rare few who knew me as a child or teenager, you know that confidence is something I have always lacked, still do. I have never felt pretty or wanted or important. My life has always been a cluster and I haven’t had much in the way of energy to deal with everything in it, let alone try to find energy to work on confidence and self worth.
And then I got turned on to pin up, and burlesque, modeling and photography. And I was amazed. Here were women that were different, like me…short, pale, small boobs, fat, tattooed, pierced, bald, on and on and on…and they were so beautiful. It didn’t matter that they don’t fit the mold. It didn’t matter that society doesn’t approve or find them beautiful…they find themselves beautiful. And their message was so strong…screw everyone and everything that makes you feel like you aren’t worth anything. Fight for yourself and for who you believe you are.
So, I took the leap…I asked a good friend of mine, who happens to also be a great photographer (R Wetendorf Photography), to go through and do some photoshoots with me. And while I will always find this first one the best and my favorite, we did several over the next few years…
This one was done in Guam, while we were stopped for a short port visit during the second half of our deployment. It was so beautiful, and so freeing to just be me and be comfortable. When I am having a particularly ugly day, I go back to this…back to what made me feel so beautiful and strong.