Nothing More Tattoo

This is probably one of my least eye-catching, awe-inspiring pieces. While it is very well done, it just doesn’t take your breath away. But, it is also probably the most personal important, inspirational thing I have ever put on my body. This lyric tattoo, done by Jason Weaver of Living Art San Clemente consists of select lyrics from the Nothing More song, “Jenny”, done in the same shape as the band logo.

The I Am Jenny movement is a huge part of my life, of my heart and soul. When I purchased this album at Knotfest 2014 (after seeing this barely known band put on this incredible show that rivaled main stage acts with no special effects), shortly after “Ballast” had destroyed the charts and “Mr MTV” was just barely hitting the Octane waves, I immediately stopped at this track, “Jenny”, and listened to it over and over and over. It spoke to me in a way I couldn’t explain…it brought me to tears, brought me to my knees. It was something I could relate to in the very core of my being.

“Jenny” was released a few months later, and the story came out. It is about the lead singer’s sister, it is personal, it is his life. It is what he went through, while his sister struggled with addiction and mental health issues while his mother died slowly of cancer, all the while fighting to help his sister, Jenna. It launched a movement, “I Am Jenny” or “I Was Jenny” or “I Know Jenny”, depending on your situation. The goal was to bring to light mental health issues, erase the stigma, fight to get help and to help. For people to band together and realize that they are not alone.

I have battled depression, suicidal desires, addiction, and extreme anxiety and paranoia for as long as I can remember. It is still a battle, every single day. When I meet someone new, every moment of every conversation is full of me wondering if I am annoying them, if they would rather be somewhere else. When I am abandoned by my husband (usually so he can pee) while in a group of people, whether I know them or not, I can barely breath. When something bad happens, like receiving news that I wasted my hopes and time on a surgery that will not result in a baby, my immediate thought is why am I still alive, what am I still fighting for. The scariest part is that these things get worse every single year. I also thought, as a teenager, that it would get better, easier, as I grew up…that it was a phase and I would get over it. It wasn’t. It isn’t. And I won’t. The anxiety presses harder each year. The depression gets deeper each year.
I know that this isn’t normal. But, I also know how common these things are, and how not alone I am in my struggle. That is what the Jenny movement did for me…it opened my eyes to all of the people who are so much like me…people to lean on. People to share and fight with…to fight for.

This little tattoo, so simple, so ill-fitting with everything else I have ever done…it routinely saves my life. It routinely reminds me to keep pressing on…to never let it win. Not today Satan, right?

 

untitled

 

Nothing More
“Jenny”

A little sleep, a little slumber
A little folding of the hands
Left you weak, left you hungry
When there’s supply you still demand

You’re beginning to drag the ones you love down
Will this phase ever end?
A thousand arms to hold you
But you won’t reach for any hands

‘Cause I don’t feel like I’m getting through to you
Let me paint this clear, life is short, my dear
See your mother here, her last painful year
I wish you only knew
She stuck around for you

Maybe you should just fall
Leave the world and lose it all
And if that’s what you need
To finally see
I’ll be with you through it all

Bring on the pills, roll that dollar bill
Medicating will never heal
Relapse, rehab, repeat
Always thinking about the me, me, me

Self-destruct, spiral down
Until your want becomes your need
Please get up like I know you can
Or forever love the fall

‘Cause I don’t feel like I’m getting through to you
Let me paint this clear, life is short, my dear
See your mother here, her last painful year
I wish you only knew
She stuck around for you

Maybe you should just fall
Leave the world and lose it all
And if that’s what you need
To finally see
I’ll be with you through it all

I can’t stand to see you down
Strung out, off the wagon, and unwound
Steady, steady, Oh God, Jenny
I can’t bear to hear the sound
Of your body hitting the ground

Oh Jenny Jenny Jenny

Stuck around for you
He stuck around for you
Stuck around for you

Maybe you should just fall
Leave the world and lose it all
And if that’s what you need
To finally see
She loved you through it all

Maybe you should just fall
And if that’s what you need
To finally see
She loved you through it all

I’ll be with you through it all!

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